It's almost 2am.

I want to apologize. Sorry, jie jie.

Trust me.. I can somehow make it.

Be patient with me.

I love to read not because i love to read but i love to feel different kind of feeling express in books in novels. They are just alphabets a to z making into words then to sentences. They are beautiful. A to Z can make you laugh, can make you cry, can learn from them, they are amazing. Seriously, i have many many books here or at home. I spent much buying books and coffee. What a beautiful chemical reaction.

Back to the story.

My jie jie called me three time while i was sleeping when she knows nothing about what happened to me. I guess she just called to ask me about my situation. I then called my sister in Dublin telling her how stupid i hid myself from her. She encouraged me to tell her today of course giving me lessons at the same time.

I said :"I don't dare.. Not today."

Sis :" You have to, simply because you have no choice."

I started to cry.. I did not know why until now. I need my jie jie. She loves me and.. I dissapointed her.

5 Minutes later.

Sis in Dublin called telling me she just told jie jie.

She then said :"She's scolding but could hear that she's very dissappointed.

I cried again.

I grabbed a book and started to read it. It's comedy book and i cried while i was reading. I then make myself a coffee. I cried while i wa drinking it.

I am not a loser. Just that.... haih.

Sorry jie jie. You are like a mum to me. Years back what's between us was hatred. I did not know why did i hate you this much. Now, you are so important to me. You're the best. Forgive me.

Yer, i want to cry jor. Sigh..