Black Memories

2011-06-09T04:06:00.003+01:00

I wanted to go after you again.
But, i do not want you to be part of my life anymore.
Cause I'm good without you.
I thank god for he has already let you know that you made both correct and wrong decisions.
Leaving me for some stupid reasons was a right move.
Choosing him was wrong.
We will see.
All the stupid stupid what working for him shits..
Argh, i feel embarassing for you.
Just get the fuck out of my life.
I do not need you.
Here's the thing.
You are not needed by anyone.

2011-06-02T04:06:00.003+01:00

I am not happy.
I do not want to move on.
I do not want to live strong.
Cause it's what you want.
From now on, 2 June 2011, i will not talk to you anymore.
I'm gonna be so dead to you.
You must be very happy I'm saying this.

2011-06-02T04:03:00.000+01:00

"I can't talk to you anymore, it's not that I am mad at you, it's just that when I talk to you I realize how much I love you and when I realize how much I love you, I realize I can't have you and that makes me love you even more. "

I saw this today.
So true.

2011-04-18T07:17:00.000+01:00

And I wont let you fall Don’t be afraid to fall I’m right here to catch you I wont let you down It wont get you down Your gonna make it Yea I know you can make it Cause I will stand by you I will help you through When you’ve done all you can do And you can’t cope And I will dry your eyes I will fight your fight I will hold you tight And I wont let go Oh I’m gonna hold you And I wont let go Wont let you go No I wont -I Won't Let Go-

2011-04-18T07:12:00.002+01:00

I thought you said you are not giving up. I thought we are so in love. I thought I thought.. I'm harrassing you. I'm disturbing you. I don't have dignity. I'm freaking you out. How heart aching you told me all these.

God has no mercy

2011-02-24T06:35:00.002Z

God has no mercy.
Deep down, i know that it is not just sadness, it is far deeper.
I am going through something.
Don't take my words my actions personally, i am not meant that way.

2010-12-04T07:45:00.000Z

2009-10-28T14:31:00.003Z

Sitting alone in starbucks..

Listenning to the live band next door..

Enjoying..

忽然，不知道谁是真心对待我。

难道我不配拥有真心？

2009-10-13T18:53:00.002+01:00

When was the last time we talked about .... something real?

Long long ago.

I wanted to be remembered.

It's not like.. i want you to remember who i am but, like a memory.

A small part of memories in your life.

That's how i wanted to be remembered.

At allll times.

However, there is this guy, smells great. I didn't taste him.

He just smelled great.

Very attractive.

Almost kena. Thank God i got to pull out myself. Or else???

God knows.

2009-10-12T14:18:00.002+01:00

真心是不应该得到如此的对待。

我是真心的对待你。

好。

为了你。我决定牺牲一个我喜欢已久的东西。

你最好给我等到。

好了。不说负心的人。不想浪费时间。

近来爱听一首歌，是这么唱的..

"我到不了我想不了，你所谓的将来的美好。我什么都不要......你知不知道...若你懂我..这一秒....."

2009-10-09T08:20:00.002+01:00

当事情发生了，一味的逃避，何尝不是一种让自己好过的方法？

可是永远不是解决方法。

如果自己没问题，哪需要逃避？

是吗？

太多借口了。

我从前爱逃避，现在尽量的改变自己。

我不想成为一个没信用的人。

我希望自己是个能够被依赖的朋友。

加油！加油！

要来得终究会来。

避不了。

2009-10-07T19:18:00.002+01:00

悲哀的一个星期。

我以为我够坚强，可以捱过重重难关。

原来不是。

由于我从不觉得朋友需要介意我的想法，却不知说出来的话可以伤害他们。

我只是，想为你们好。

谁也没错没对，只是..我的想法。

没有必要隐瞒。

祝福每一个朋友。

2009-09-24T07:06:00.002+01:00

突然好期待一切一切的来临。

好像会有美好的事发生那样。

期待美好的来临。

在星巴克上网感觉真好。

喝Iced Green Tea Latte 的感觉真好。

刚刚去找妹妹的感觉真好。

用新包包的感觉真好。

明天去看BEP的感觉真好。

迟睡早起的感觉真好。

和朋友们之间的互动感觉真好。

2009-09-14T10:17:00.004+01:00

没想到这个时候的你会msn我。

心跳加速。

好想你..

想回到过去。

这故事告诉我，凡事都该抱着平常心。

承诺并不难许，可是，我会永永远远的记住。

如果..离开。

我。不会。

你永远都在我心里面。

泪流出来了。

2009-09-07T18:41:00.002+01:00

“花落人亡两不知..”

“花零落，人惆亡.."

又在书本上看见这两句..好伤感。

如果你相信大自然，那么花落与人亡应该是一样的吧。

而我，觉得....我也不知道。

只是..像蝴蝶效益吧！就好像..不懂。

不用理我只是喝了两杯咖啡心跳加速睡不着。

后悔到极点。很不舒服。

一段长长对话，深深感到不愤怒但一万个为什么。

无端端扭到左边肩膀，好难过。

2009-09-02T19:48:00.003+01:00

[佛说前世五百次回眸，才换来今生擦肩而过。]

这句来自最近看的一本书，名，回眸。

身边有许许多多不只于我擦肩而过的人，我们前世回眸多少次？

身边就只有一个我爱的人，我们前世回眸多少次？

不知不觉回来了七个星期，无论环境的变化或是心态的变化，也化不了今生前阵子做的孽！

孽的结果只会是报应。

而这些报应带给我好多不能踏足的地方我称之为禁地。

七个星期，我感受好多感受。

有自卑的，狂妄的，倒塌的，混乱的，紧张的，不能不提-害怕的。

那些依然离家的友人们啊！你们也离不开我所感受的感受。

不同的，只是在你们心里，注重的是什么。

当遇到伤心时，不妨看看手表，算算自己哭多久。

那当然时间长短的定义是不一样地。

如果不是很长，看来你也不是那么的伤那么的痛。

开始了，

开始有亲朋戚友认为我现在在浪费时间无所事事懒虫作祟。

说实在，我目前为止不用为三餐担忧，让我享受这种没负担没烦恼的日子吧。

真的吹我不涨啊..

正所谓河水不犯井水啊..

喝了几倍杯茶没办法入睡啊..

我想梦见那天所梦见地啊..

2009-08-19T14:52:00.001+01:00

It's a bit hard.... to understand someone's mind. I always good at it.. But this time i choose to escape.

2009-08-12T09:16:00.002+01:00

I've been busy but not really that busy recently. My friend, stop complaining about your job. I very sien jor and hor please don't higher your voice tone whenever i call it obviously a male sitting standing right beside you. I am not a stupid. That's why dai lei sei kena marah by me last night. You know that it is gross.

Wah, friend long time didn t read your blog and still the same wor? Why same? Still sitting complaining about yourself and not moving your ass. Dont believe? Try one day read all that you have been posting to your blog and then calculate how many same same no different blog like that.

Wah me myself..... haih, work for dad recently lo. dont have much money to spend. Sai..

2009-07-20T17:15:00.001+01:00

I think time goes real fast after all the hard work.
It is time to move faster.
Move my arse.

2009-07-07T12:17:00.002+01:00

Forgive me...

I think i'm trying to capture a moment.

2009-07-05T22:29:00.004+01:00

神圣的上帝，请宽恕我宽恕我爱的人。

Forgive me, and bless my dear.

I have nothing, but i have a heart that will support you at always.

I am nobody, but i am someone who is always here there for you.

I do not know what to do, but i will pray for you.

I will share your money/food/happiness.. and pain.

Always..

2009-07-01T16:14:00.002+01:00

Sometimes, i think i can run very fast, trust me, really fast.

Now, i still think i can run very fast just that.. i'm running in a circle.

A God Damn Circle.

Six weeks ago, two suitcases were packed. They sat in my bedroom for nearly a week, so full of clothes and personal items, i have to sit on top if it just to zip it closed. Packing the suitcases was difficult things that that that that I’ve had to do. I thought i will be glad of leaving that place but i was not.. What gave me the sadness? The freedom i had for two years. I knew what would happened leaving my lovely room, disaster. Within 3 weeks i went to Manchester - Liverpool - Bristol - Newcastle - Manchester - Dublin - Belfast - Dublin and i am currently staying in a studio in Dublin. <- What?! Sounded like i'm proud of it? No no.... Ferking tired.

Today, i'm planing what to put into the two suitcases. They sat in the studio for nearly two weeks, so empty, i think i can put the hnd carry into the large suitcase. Packing the suitcases is not that difficult anymore.. I thought i'll be sad of leaving Europe. What makes me feel sad? The craziness in Malaysia. The craziness that i'm not going through for two years. But guess no, i feel good. I've prepared...

I'm going home.

2009-06-30T12:07:00.002+01:00

She was right and threw me the question..

How do you keep the match burning?

I couldn't sleep because of this question.

Though things are unsaid but i can imagine their faces.

However, at first glance thing may seem difficult but after a while they are not as hard as you think they are because you tried, that.. you have tried.

A step is what i need... I need to keep the match burning.

I ugently need to go back home.

2009-06-27T01:09:00.002+01:00

终究，大家毕业了。

是什么心情呢？

是害怕未来？依依不舍?朋友们？是开心？

我都有以上的感觉吧？除了依依不舍。不会不舍得啊。

一两年前又好多我想要去承担去负责的，而现在没办法。

今天和莉薇说，我好像没办法把心里的感觉说出来..不懂得怎样解释。她说她明白因为她也是这样。人长大了是这样的吗？或许....

2009-06-26T00:58:00.002+01:00

God.. it isn't this difficult to calculate my age. Hint - I986.

Why are all the adults think of the age..... FIRST.

Am i not now?

Right, i need to talk about the book - A Thousand Splendid of Suns.

This is thousands times better than Kite Runner.

I love it.

What a great book with great ways of telling out the feelings the circumstances.

Any recommendation of new fiction/non-fiction? I'm running out of ideas.. Sorry, quite proud of myself. Hahahahaha.

Aiks..... Spent time looking at the fossil web. Stop dreaming!!!!

Time to sleep.

Good Night.

2009-06-24T23:41:00.002+01:00

今天百感交集有好多话想说。
就让我说个够。

一，我实在受不了脑袋里带着奇怪想法活着的朋友们。世界虽残忍可生命却是沸腾的。

二，最近压力都好大，好想买我在Manchester试带的Fossil手表。我好喜欢。可是不要啦。

三，我在爱尔兰，对，很闷。想深一层，在家也不就是这样。

四，我不配...拥有那么多来自你的回忆。我以为我能够把一切丢掉，每一本札记每一封信每一张卡，可是却忍不下心，最后放在一个朋友的家，我真的害怕看见那个大盒子，可是我丢不掉。里面是一切。

五，上星期买了父亲节卡，原来到最后，我没办法寄。我不能..我还是过不了心里那关。

六，其实我压力大时我是不会发泄在你们两个身上。这句引发了，我和你的argument是真实的。我真的累了。

七，太多人有秘密，其实，秘密不止是秘密，它更是像病菌一样的侵蚀你的心。痛吧？

八，我或许告诉你们我想死时很傻很白痴。我不会..同时我不懂得如何解决问题。其实我也不想解决任何问题。该来的就让它们来罢..反正，生命已经被折磨得不堪回首。

九，挽不回的...

2009-06-24T22:31:00.002+01:00

My friend, go confidently on the direction of your dream!

Life is short, after all, isn't it?

Got myself a pint of Budweiser this evening because the temperature was so high.

The Irish weather is getting warm.

Seriously, the weather in Ireland is not that good. You just wouldn't know what's next.

I'm going to Giant Causeway and Belfast this weekend and flying to Prague next Friday. Then, results are out after the Prague Trip. WISH ME LUCK.

2009-06-24T00:52:00.004+01:00

I'm sorry but i have to do this.
I'm proud of you..
I want to be more proud of you.
Make me feel it..
Do it.

I said.. I was smilling didnt i?

2009-06-23T23:13:00.003+01:00

Finally see the BODIES Exhibition, it was great. Many raise up the question the issue, where are the bodies come from? Noone knows but only the Lab. What do you think about an exhibition a show seeing dead bodies as kind of art or education? I have no opinion.

I want to say something that will take a lil time because i myself need to figure out the way telling it out. I am so fan so don't challenge/kacau me recently. I can smile a lil laugh a bit it doesn't mean things go smoothly just that i can calm myself down for just a day, problems still there kay? I am so sick that whenever i talk un-seriously/playful everyone thought i don't care what's happening or it's fine teasing me again and again. Off man. Please off. Yes i had a tiny argument with a friend yesterday, what i said.. was still the real thing i felt. I didn't want to hide any of my feelings. I am getting tired.. You guys just don't know.

Come What May

Never knew I could feel like this

Like I've never seen the sky before

Want to vanish inside your kiss

Every day I love you more and more

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?

Telling me to give you everything

Seasons may change, winter to spring

But I love you until the end of time

Come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high

No river too wide

Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side

Storm clouds may gather,

And stars may collide

But I love you

Until the end of time

2009-06-21T23:48:00.004+01:00

If.... things don't go fine......

If.... the world is no more tomorrow.......

If.... I forget everything.......

If.... I.......

There are many things i want to tell out loud.

But i can't.

I need.. something that can calm me down for just one day.

I d0n't know what's that that will relax me.

They are driving me nuts.

2009-06-20T23:28:00.002+01:00

I am not too sure about the reasons but i want to talk about my two dears tonight i think the feel just came into my mind. They are friends who gave me the chance to think about myself and what i had done to myself. I learnt to listen to be patient (Hey better compare to taylors time K?) to try to put myself in everyones shoes. I learnt to love to be caring.. I learnt a lot from them i do i do i do i do. I seldom sacrifice for friends but... i will if there's anything to do with them. There is always a big room reserved for each of you in my heart. I miss our days... Our days that were ours.

Everybody knows how important friendships are to a human. What many people don't realize, however, is how complicated and confusing friendships can be. Once you go through the complex stage the confusing stage.. Real and True friendship just went on fine and stable with deeper feeling. We made it Guys didnt we?

Love you...

2009-06-19T22:19:00.002+01:00

I watched a show two nights ago called Parents Trap and I still haven’t recovered. I know most of you watched more than once. What a fun thing to do exchanging identity, right?

I have a very ma fan friend. I think of her as a kind of meticulousness animal, but really, her focus on things is just set on high. Which, for the most part is a very good thing. It makes her thorough. But on the other hand... She is darning ma Q fan. Have a minor change before you put yourself in Tanjung Rambutan. lol.

Dublin is a very beautiful place with beautiful citizen. Irish may speaks english differently unlike american and british but with their beautiful hearts they are so the best. I love them.

Let's talk about addiction. What are your addictions? Well, i have 5 crazy addictions. You know what are the five addictions if you know me well enough. Tell me yours..

2009-06-18T22:29:00.003+01:00

今天打回家。

终于肯面对我这两年都不敢面对的事情。

好沉重..

好沉重...

其实，我什么都没有。这让我觉得好可悲。

在很想放弃时有打电话给你们两个。

一个不方便。

一个有压力。

我恨！

我恨这个世界让我觉得很累！

我恨！

我恨这个世界让我抬不起头做人！

但，我更恨我自己..

恨我自己原以为能够勇敢生存，可是却把憋了好久的泪，给流下来了..

怎么就不能勇敢点呢？

2009-06-17T22:39:00.002+01:00

I'm back. Do you know how fucking du lan everytime i take Ryanair Flight? I tell you.. What happened to me today? Can't even use SUCKS to describe. I nearly need to pay more than 100 pounds because the big suitcase was 15 kgs overweight. When the idiot told me with her stupid annoying geram tones telling me, the first thought was to go back and book another ticket (I mean not going today) but then giving up is not my priority sooo... Here's the 15kgs problem came. 15 kgs is definately not a joke. I left 30 minutes to solve it because i reached Manchester Airport at 4.20 and the Ireland Counter closed at 5pm. I calm myself down.. I took a deep breath. I walked slowly (in order to calm down) to WH Smith asked for a box. With a small and big suitcase i walked over to a dark corner because what's next is so malu. I squat down took out some stuffs fit them into the box i begged. Walked to the post office send it to Ireland which cost me 30 pounds <- Ferk! 6 kgs cost me 30 hell pounds.. Haih. :(

Ok then.. I threw away my Nike and around 10 clothes. <-Never Mentioned In Front Of Me!!

Then took all the jackets/coats out, hand hold lo. No choice.

Then............ Finally.... By 5 pm, Gao Dim.

18 kgs... Free. But exhausted.

Ok then.. Plane Story.

The hand carry was fuckingly heavy i couldnt lift it up noone gives me a hand fine lo. Ireland is a windy country take place over like play roller caoster.

45 MINUTES LATER

I was suppose to take taxi which i already knew would cost me 35 euros. I've spoken to my sister that she will come out and pay for that 5 minutes before i arrive.

Once i leave the Airport i saw there's this Coach that will reach city centre with only 7 euros. Yes, i took. I was thinking maybe i can get the taxi after the coach.

I took out the phone realizing O2 pay as you go has not roaming services. Due to the Manchester Airport incident... I didn't take cash out...... Which means i did not have either euro or stering. I had 10 euros that has already paid for the coach.
17 JUNE - Dublin City Bike Day <- Roads were blocked.

I got off the coach with the laptop bag which has been taken out from my suitcase, big suitcase and hand carry. I walked jor half an hour.

Haih.. I always know that i am strong but never knew that i could be this strong.

2009-06-14T16:27:00.002+01:00

I love my life.

I love what i love.

I love what i've been loving for years.

I love everything everyone around me.

I love my lung and liver.

Hahahahaha.

Just came back from my lil girlfriend's sister place.

Huu.. Nice weekend. However ah, i slept well ate well there howcome still feel tired? Want to sleep jor. Can i?

Going to Ireland in 3 days time. Wish me luck. Will be hyper bored there No doubt. Thank God i still have my own style of living way. Yay.. Oi oi lu.

To SiewLing... "Mm huo yat yat du.. diu.... hmmm.."

2009-06-11T22:51:00.002+01:00

又一天了，光阴飞速啊。

是天气？是问题？还是太闲？

有些许烦恼。

郁闷。

Sam, I'm alright in Manchester.

I know it's bit hard to understand what happened to we all.

Guess we couldn't make it. That's really it.

好像感觉有一丝的不平衡，希望猜测错误。

希望我是。

总觉得你不开心。

是我不够关心你？

是你应经不想说不想听了？

是什么?

2009-06-10T14:49:00.003+01:00

死。开始乱想了。

希望我没有做了什么啦。

或许我话太多了吧？

Never hide from me. Do tell me.

在这里很安静。

很闷但是又有自在的感觉。

我真的真的要回家了。

家，就是家。

2009-06-07T14:42:00.002+01:00

放心放心。

失败感只是小小的一部份。

说实在的，这几天还蛮自在。

或许没烦恼了吧。

或许..

反正很舒服。

Help. I need food.

2009-06-07T14:33:00.002+01:00

感觉说来就来。

所发生的事情，遗留下来的只有感觉。

而所发生的，不是发生在我身上，可是我却有很强烈的感觉。

我不喜欢。我真的不喜欢。

这几天，我都带着一贯的表情。

一贯很无聊的样子。

一贯很白痴的样子。

天底下，最失败的人，莫过于我吧。

很久没有失败感了。

彻彻底底的被自己打败。

有太多事我想做又太多话我想说，做不到说不到。

我。真。的。很。失。败。

2009-06-03T03:22:00.002+01:00

God.. It 3.30am. I am still packing and sorting out my stuffs.

Damn.. Not too much to talk about today.

Just.. one thing.

Do no bully my vips and family.

You are challenging me.

Yes.. I am Miss F number 4.

Eh? Who the hell are you?

Nothing i guess.

For me.. Those out of my sight are NOTHING. Not even dust in my life.

2009-05-28T03:49:00.002+01:00

Hey, it is just 3.40am but the sky is already in dark blue.

I'm obviously a bit drunk.

I'm fine I'm fine.

Finally, i can have a short break. (You see, after weeks of fucking suffocating)

A short break is not too much for a weak lady like me right?

I was quite busy today.

I had exam from 9am to 12pm. Had my lovely Burger King lunch then came back and sleep. Spent an hour packing my stuffs. Gosh, i've got a lot to pack.

Thursday. It's even worse. Try not to remind myself. Will see after i wake up from my sweet dreams.

Wish me luck.

2009-05-26T01:52:00.004+01:00

It's almost 2am.

I want to apologize. Sorry, jie jie.

Trust me.. I can somehow make it.

Be patient with me.

I love to read not because i love to read but i love to feel different kind of feeling express in books in novels. They are just alphabets a to z making into words then to sentences. They are beautiful. A to Z can make you laugh, can make you cry, can learn from them, they are amazing. Seriously, i have many many books here or at home. I spent much buying books and coffee. What a beautiful chemical reaction.

Back to the story.

My jie jie called me three time while i was sleeping when she knows nothing about what happened to me. I guess she just called to ask me about my situation. I then called my sister in Dublin telling her how stupid i hid myself from her. She encouraged me to tell her today of course giving me lessons at the same time.

I said :"I don't dare.. Not today."

Sis :" You have to, simply because you have no choice."

I started to cry.. I did not know why until now. I need my jie jie. She loves me and.. I dissapointed her.

5 Minutes later.

Sis in Dublin called telling me she just told jie jie.

She then said :"She's scolding but could hear that she's very dissappointed.

I cried again.

I grabbed a book and started to read it. It's comedy book and i cried while i was reading. I then make myself a coffee. I cried while i wa drinking it.

I am not a loser. Just that.... haih.

Sorry jie jie. You are like a mum to me. Years back what's between us was hatred. I did not know why did i hate you this much. Now, you are so important to me. You're the best. Forgive me.

Yer, i want to cry jor. Sigh..

2009-05-25T02:28:00.003+01:00

“其实愿意看开，一秒就能想通。”

Things are all simple but they are different as we all have different point of view to judge them. Ther never were complicated, what you need is not encouragement or opinion. It's actually a second to think through them.

Major thing i've learnt this year. It's worth it eventhough i spent a lot of energy and time to think about it. I finally experienced this.. one sec.

I read this book called "Before I Die". It definately sounds horrible or blue to someone but as you change your mind a lil, it's a good positive book. This lady is sicked at young age and there are a lot she wanted to do before she die. We all had been through those 'First' days, like, get drunk for the first time, get laid, get high heel pairs, change the colour of your hair, drive without license... They are not only wishes but hopes. As your are climbing higher and higher, your wish came true one by one but they are never ended. We just get to aim higher and higher, aren't we? The end of each day it means a new hope is there tomorrow. Tomorrow is a brand new day.

2009-05-24T02:47:00.002+01:00

I slept at 11.15pm but woke up an hour later just because of the temperature. UK is so warm. Just finished a long chat with a friend. The conversation covered few 'meaningful' topics/issues.

UK or Home?

I actually think that it is impossible to go back home once you settle yourself down in another country. Here are the reasons why the hell you can't go back home.

1.Financial status - how could you give up good money and car? Go back with local car and can't even afford better insurance.

2.How can you survive in Malaysia's Company when you get to learn better knowledge and even higher technologies in the UK?

3.Are you able to buy yourself more than 5 dresses a month in Malaysia?

4.Is you dream a step closer when you have only RM1600 a month? (Don't forget about allllll your installments)

Girls to girls view

As i always say, who doesn't like to see beautiful things? Even if you are a female checking on another female? I love looking at beautiful girls. (Guys? Seldom see good dressing up guy. I don't mind their appearance because i'm not a good looking girl but can't you just dress up properly? For the sake of respect? Respect those you going out with?) I love female with see through top or bottom. They are way toooo sexy. Huuu... very attractive (I am certainly talking about good body shape ladies).

Anti-Homosexual / Homo Phobia

I have gay or lesbian friends around me. Please respect them or do not hate them. They are as normal as you do. They might have better personality compare to you. It's okie if you have homo phobia because this is also consider as.. natural. I saw true love between homosexual couples. They are real. They might have different making love ways (As you called it weird ways) but don't you think that they are pity, because they are never never able to understand or experience the word "Reproductive".

Love

Love in first eye sight? What do you think? I do not know, never really really experience this but i guess it is existing somewhere in the world. Love is important. Don't take it as a game. You'll be punished somehow.

2009-05-24T00:03:00.002+01:00

What gives you hope?

For me, it's seeing those who have been together for so long but still able to make each other happy. I love seeing old happy couples. They always give me the right information and direction that there is true love.

What piss you off?

Fake personality, attitude, laughing, espression, explaination... everything anyone alive but fake.

What makes you laugh?

Weed. Hahahahahaha. It's just a joke k? Um, perhaps when i see someone fell down?

When do you feel happy?

When i'm drunk? Hahaha. And of course happy thingiesss.. Like get to get presents or anything like this.

What do you want to do?

Conquer the world. Hold on hold. It's just another unfunny joke. I guess.. I will want to spend my life at sea side? Yeah maybe. Still unsure about what i want all these days.

2009-05-23T02:30:00.002+01:00

Lucy Gordon killed herself.

This was a sad news.

I know it is not allowed to kill yourself as stated in the bible but i seriously don't find the point of blaming her (I'm nobody) or telling friends how stupid she was. I simply know nothing in relation to the reasons behind. Do you know how much energy for someone to end her/his life deep down the person knows that they have a lot more have not been done? I just.. don't know.

"Muh life is in pain.. Imma lay you down,.. if muh life is in danger."

2009-05-21T04:27:00.004+01:00

Sarah Shahi.

I've deep feeling on her after watching the L Word and Life.

She is so so so beautiful. I was googling her few days ago and realized that she's Iranian. God, such beautiul face no wonder she's top 100 sexiest women on earth. Here's the reason i want to talk about her now. She is pregnant. God, her husband is just so lucky to have such beautiful sunshine is his life. I guess what's really make me liking her is because of her six packs (of course her face and body shape too la). You can't see her six packs tummy unless she GOOK her stomach. Just so sexy.. Huuu.......

Suicide Note - Poet

When I am dead, and over me bright April
Shakes out her rain drenched hair,
Tho you should lean above me broken hearted,
I shall not care.
For I shall have peace.
As leafy trees are peaceful
When rain bends down the bough.
And I shall be more silent and cold hearted
Than you are now.
Suicide note to her lover who left her.
~~ Sara Teasdale, poet, d. 1933

~~ Lupe Velez, actress, d. December 13, 1944
The future is just old age and illness and pain.... I must have peace and
this is the only way.

2009-05-21T04:19:00.003+01:00

Life's been so !@#$%%^&%$#@ lately. Having hard time like everyone else. Am unsure about the what's coming next.

Suicide (Latin suicidium, from sui caedere, to kill oneself) is the intentional taking of one's own life. Many dictionaries also note the metaphorical sense of "willful destruction of one's self-interest"[1] (e.g., "political suicide"). Suicide may occur for a number of reasons, including depression, shame, guilt, desperation, physical pain, emotional pressure, anxiety, financial difficulties, or other undesirable situations. (http://en.wikipedia.org/

1Suide may occur for a number of reasons, including:-

1.Depression - Shit. So down.

2.Shame - Shit. Shame of myself because the results are just too fucking damning twatting shit.

3.Guilt - Shit. Sorry Dad.

4.Desperation - Shit. I've huge XXX desire.

5.Physical pain - Shit. My wallet is so fucking in pain.

6. Emotional Pressure - Shit. Almost went nut during the exams.

7.Anxiety - Shit. Always throw temper to friends.

8. Financial Difficulties - Shit. Broke.

9. Undesirable Situations - Shit. Had a long talk with someone yesterday. Deep topics is so ouchie.

In conclusion, can i? Kill myself?

2009-05-16T19:15:00.005+01:00

Someone's blog reminded me of someone.

I started to think about X last night.

I started to recall what happened in Pre-U and Taylor's first 4 semester.

Guess i want to tell what happened here now.

I met X when i was really young， 7 years back. We were just friends nothing much that time. I did not even know i'd feelings on X till one day.. 3.45pm. This particular date particular time. We were walking in a mall and out of sudden X hugged me. A mall. I couldn't recall back how many strangers wer staring at X hugging me and said :"Happy Birthday." It just happened. I know that's the right one. I knew.

August.

Two years later. One day.

X called asking me not to call anymore without giving any reasons.

I begged.. I begged......... I begged from August till November that year.

It' been 5 years from that day we stopped.

Nobody knows how i survived this 5 years.

Nobody knows..

I cried more than anyoneelse.

All my friends around me.. They will not mention X in front of me.

Deep down, they know how suffer i was i am.

I skipped 60% classes in Pre-U.

I stopped seeing all friends whom are friends of X too.

Because they will remind me of X.

I acted crazy.. I talked shit....

I've a huge changed.

现在，我害怕度过三点四十五分。

我害怕走你拥抱我的那个地方。

我害怕遇见你。

我害怕任何人提起你。

我更害怕，你......消失。

I think... I shouldn't have let you let me go.

我们之间的承诺，你忘了吗？

就是那一句。

我等到现在。

就是这一句话。

怎么就这样放弃了呢？

怎么丢下我一个人呢?

2009-05-13T17:25:00.002+01:00

A sad day.. Raining continuously.

Friends are meant to be real.

I might not be the nice one or the best friend.

Even if i was that bad long ago.

I wish i am not anymore.

I want to go to a quiet place with my good friend.

We'll do supid things together.

Maybe we are to old to act crazy.

But i guess we'll have fun resting there.

However, don't you think March is so suffering?

Because i still need to wait for like another 9 months.

But we can still book it!

I'm looking forward!

And! September as well ah!

Wait for me, Sam.

2009-05-11T11:47:00.002+01:00

It's 11 May 11.46am. Exam starts in.. less than 2 hours.

How do i feel?

Exhausted.

Having extra courses are not fun.

Didn't sleep last night.

Been preparing for the shit later.

I'm not aiming any shits.

Just want to get it over.

In 4 hours.

Off.

From me.

Where am i?

Home.

What's after the exam?

Sleep for 20 hours.

O, did i tell you?

The second exam on wednesday. Yay.. :(

2009-05-09T15:56:00.005+01:00

Weee ooo WeE ooooo WEEEEE...

I just handed in courseworks yesterday and exam starts monday.

Yayyyyyy~

What's better than this?

However, No feeling at all.

There's nothing i can do EXCEPT study hard.

20 sleeping hours was so great.

WeeeeEE!

I've changed my mind recently.

I want to stay in three different places before i leave.

Where's number three?

I was thinking.. London.

How is it?

So, it means.. I'll change my flight to Sept?? Maybe.

I was talking to a friend two days ago.

Again and again and again. Gosh. Ferking sien.

Common. All your excuses you so called 'reason' will be running out one day. Live real. What so good trapping yourself in a small dreamie world? What is so good about that? You can't take real shits at all. Woi. You are 24 jor. 24 acting like this? I'll be looking down on you lo. One kiddie. I know you will hate me when you finish reading what's here. I'm sorry. I'm your friend and i want you to know what is 'Reality'.

2009-05-06T12:34:00.004+01:00

最近很多事很多人让我觉得没眼看。

大家都长大了，我管不了你们的脑袋瓜。

很奇怪的一年。

都不知道大家在想什么的。

靠！

不管。喜欢怎样是你们的事。

被看不起的，也不是我。

2009年中了。

要不就争取时间，要不就什么也不要做。

就不要理，想，做，真的很无聊的事。

还有！借口也会有用完的一天！

我顶！

我忙得很。

实在没空理幼稚园故事。

2009-05-05T21:13:00.001+01:00

最近每个人的点都很低哦。

大家还是不要烦大家也比较好。

说话语气也不要太重。

这是人生。

Miss F 加油加油加加油！

2009-05-03T02:47:00.002+01:00

When someone is havng fun drinking..

What's with me?

Coffee.

Snow Patrol.

Courseworks.

What a nice weekend i'm having.

Let me talk about my courseworks.

Tonnes of calculations.

Thousands words.

Exams preparation.

What i need.. is... self preparations. (Unable to hand in on time)

Cool.

ps. Not that i didn't work hard. Works are way too difficult.

Having hard time.

2009-05-01T20:36:00.004+01:00

<潘玮柏>

“是什么原因，让时间停此了"

There were times time stopped.

Now, i wish it could stopped for an hour.

Im not greedy.

Just an hour.

Sarah McLachlan

"Let me be empty and weightless

And maybe i'll find some peace tonight"

2009-04-30T15:29:00.005+01:00

Hehehehehehe... Im home Babies.

Alright. Previously, Miss F promised to answer all the curiousity questions. Here i am to fullfill you.

Question Number 1.

Mr P:"Why don't you find a job (part-time) since you are not going back right after exam?"

Answer Number 1.

Ms F:"Well, I think.. a job right? I will work.. either... construction job or no job. No part time. Yes i do earn. And yes, i waste my time. LOL. Might as well have lil fun before going back. Yooo... It's my opinion k? No offence. Please, it does't mean i do not need money or i'm rich. You are ferking childish if you think so. I live my live. Blow ah?"

2009-04-30T01:28:00.002+01:00

H1N1

My sister asked me to be careful because there are suspected cases in UK. She makes me feel warm. There's a UK Scientist said a shit scare the hell of me, he said approx 10o million of human would die if i spreads continuously. What the hell.

No matter what where when how.

I want to say out loud to my family and all my loved ones.

"I love you."

2009-04-29T15:17:00.003+01:00

“突然发现站了好久，不知要道往哪走。”

张惠妹的歌。

一起身就听到这句。

所以，昨晚纵容自己睡了13个小时。

现在，精神！好得很！

今天是我爱人的生日哦。

看来那家伙并没那心情去庆祝。

I hope swine flu will leave us really really soon.

My Love in USA left to Japan.

Or else.. I'll be very very worried.

Many are/were quaranine in the states.

God Bless us.

Haih... From Bird Flu to SARS to Avian Flu, now? Swine Flu.

Goddd.. Mercy us. Please.

O BY THE WAY, Swine Flu does not mean it comes from SWINE PIG.

2009-04-28T23:13:00.003+01:00

According to DEAR.
Siewling says - in red
1. 去7-11买condom - Superdrug or Boots
2. Try很名贵的红酒
3. 开枪 - Easy la. Buy a gun toy.
4. 跟angelinajolie拍照 - Wax ah?
5. 去miami纹身
6. 去流浪
7. 赛车
8. 和明星拍拖 - Doggie star?
9. 带弟弟去打耳洞 - What the hell!

2009-04-28T22:41:00.002+01:00

想要经验的经验 (Part 1)

1. 去7-11买condom

2. Try很名贵的红酒

3. 开枪

4. 跟angelinajolie拍照

5. 去miami纹身

6. 去流浪

7. 赛车

8. 和明星拍拖

9. 带弟弟去打耳洞

Hahahahahaha. I mean it.

2009-04-28T02:31:00.002+01:00

《丑行篇》

自私是该有的。我也自私。因为这是自我保护的方法。

在自私的同时，我相信如果理由充足的话，旁人是能够了解。

但是，如果在自私的同时，蓝伟大呢？

那，我就不能接受了。

别把自己弄low。

真的很难看。

《黑人憎之英文篇》

请别滥用,nevermind, when you 真的很介意。

《算了吧之不稀罕篇》

如果朋友对你心淡了，心疼吗？

我会很心疼。

如果朋友不稀罕你了，不必心疼。

想想自己的丑行吧。

Statements above do not mean anything if you are having positive attitude. Oo, and, i'm not qualify to judge anything. But, don't ever read my blog if you think i'm judging.

Good Night.

2009-04-27T22:07:00.005+01:00

Just woke up.

Flexible life style is what i'm having, you wouldn't believe how flexible i am.

I can sleep, eat, and work whenever i want at any time like i can sleep at 4pm working at 2am maybe the 3am meal was my lunch. LOL.

This kind of lifestyle is far more dangerous than you twist the day and night.

For example i has dinner 1pm this afternoon god so bloody crazy.

No matter what, it's just another 2 weeks left so as long as i can finish my work i can sacrifice my time.

Was standing in front of the cash hole then stepped hard on the ground, the two fat ladies behind me were so shock but who care's? It's empty. You know? My account is empty. Hahahaha. GOD.

Attention. My right shoulder is now very serious. I do not have time to see doc. Good.

SFAQ

S? Self. Hahahaha

1. Are you tired? Hyper.

2. How long can it be last? Not long.

3. What you take everyday? Shit food.

4. Do you drink enough water? I don't remember there's such drink.

5. Do you shower? A must.

6. How many hours you sleep everyday? Less than 6 if i work that particular day.

7. What do you want to do the most after all these? Drunk for 3d3n.

8. Do you still remember that they are two VIP's birthday this week? I KNOW!! Stop reminding me of that.

9. What do you do when you are sleepy? Sing and sing and sing.

10. Can you make it? DEFINITELY.

11. Do you believe in yourself? Of course.

12. Have faith? Yes yes yes..

2009-04-26T15:07:00.002+01:00

Who am i?

我是个很嚣张的人。

我是个很爱玩的家伙。

以上，不代表我不mature。

It's quite clear that i'm those acting playful infront of those i'm not familiar with orrrrrr i can sense that we are not clicked orrrrrr we're from different world.

What is the meaning of Best Friends?

其实，有些事情是我和好友们都不大想要去思考的。

这个时候，我们就不会问太多。

不出声，不麻烦，默默支持就好了。

相信这是我们喜欢与感到舒服的环境。

我觉得舒服，同时我感受到那份支持。

我好喜欢。

来个例子吧。如果要问要关心，而必须会问到的问题如下：-（真的烦死人的问题)

1.功课还有很多要做吗？

2.做得完吗？

3.then怎么办？

4.要我帮忙吗?

Yup. These are fan kau si people 's questions.

So, jia you lo My dearest dearest friend in Upper part UK and dont know which part of USA. Hahaha. Eh, we are darn far apart.

2009-04-25T15:38:00.004+01:00

The world population is estimated to be about 6.77 billion in April 2009. Quite many of us, right? I bring this up because i was thinking how many people are working as hard (like bull) like me? Of course i ain't saying not many and i am unique. I actually think i am not alone because i believe everyone are working hard to survive. I sometimes think.. matters are so right when they are so in time. You know what i mean? Back to the real life theories we learnt from school, one teacher once said:" Do not wait. Time will never be just right." So true. Never.. be just right.

Was on the phone with another fella last night. We spoke about 'IF'. I don't like talking about IF, it's so dreamie and def not my style of living in a fake beautiful dream.

Let's talk about 6 pounds. Hahaha. I'm not talking about Will Smith 7 pounds k? It means i have only 6 pounds left in my bank account, can you believe it? Shit. Someone just banked in 100 pds to me. DARN! I don't like owing money leh. Aiks. Will transfer back to her. Thanks anyway.

I will work hard again. Fight Together!!

2009-04-24T16:27:00.003+01:00

我真的累了。

Dear, thanks for you very encouraging sms. Shop like crazy women and club like hooker.

Babe, I need some stuffs from Japan.

Dad, I want my money.

Sis, gimme some space.

Friend, gay are meant to be with male.

To my lecturers,

Peter, your guidelines annoyed me so much and i want to kill you, you sucks.

Mike, you're the best but can't believe that I'm having most of your works. Your 2 reports, 1 presentation, 2 exams. They are all yours.

Duncan, you eat shit. After months, i still do not know what the ferk is Environmental Impact Assessment.

Simon, you are okay.

Martin, your report and exam ferking hard.

How tired?

1. Every part of my body is aching.

2. My brain gone big and soft.

3. I slept few hours only. ( when i'm those needing 12 hours)

4. My tummy gone flat.

5. The floor full of white bits.

6. M right shoulder .. um, a bit weird. Aching if ever i move or i se my right hand to carry heavy bag.

How fed up?

1. Peter's report took me 3 nights just to figure them out.

2. Kitchen smells like ferking shit.

3. I have no money.

4. If suicide is not a sin. I'll be resting in my nice starry coffin.

5. I took 3 coffees a day just to keep my brain clear, that's why it gone soft.

6. Dear's birthday is coming and.. I did nothing.

How dead is dead?

1. If i cannot finish all of them by coming Wednesday. Happy Birthday to Dear and visit my funeral.

2. If i don't sleep properly. I'll def looking like zombie. Feed me flesh and blood.

3. If i don't eat properly. I'll be dried. Burried me.

4. If i don't drink in a week time. Send me to psychology unit.

5. If i don't pass this year. This time, i'll kill myself using 'rat poision' adding into Martell 24 and finish the whole bottle when listening to club songs while taking washing powder cig.

6. If... all these above happened to me. You know i mean it. I'll be in deep trouble.

2009-04-23T16:39:00.003+01:00

What would you do if a friend broke your trust?

Well, I'm fine with it because many around me spread my news.

Of course my news is not invaluable.

My phone rang at 3pm when i was still dreaming. (I slept at 8am)

My friend called, we spoke of someone.

Lazy to tell, but.. she broke my trust.

I wasn't angry.

But.. i sien jor.

Numb.

By the way, feel free to ask me questions.

I'll try my best to fullfill your curiousity.

LMAO.

2009-04-21T23:35:00.003+01:00

謝安琪 - 鍾無豔

“其實我怕你總誇獎高估我堅忍

其實更怕你只懂得欣賞我品行

無人及我用字絕重拾了你信心

無人問我可甘心演這偉大化身

其實我想暗中崩潰脆弱如戀人

誰在你兩臂中低得不需要身份”

I like this lyrics.

其实我怕你总夸奖高估我坚忍，因为我不是。

在你们悲伤的那刻，我却..

在你们开心的那刻，我却..

其实我什么也不是。

我有不想听的故事。

不想喝的酒。

不想理的人。

不想睡得床。

不想拥有的身份。

我不想的，我真的不想。

我想要的，我却不能拥有。

但是，我明白..

有遗憾，才是人生。

2009-04-21T14:15:00.003+01:00

I'm Done lyrics PUSSYCATDOLL

I wasn’t looking for this

What is this?

I don’t know

You know I was doing just fine

By myself

On my own

Tell me how to

Stop this feeling

I don’t wanna fall in love

Just wanna have a little fun

Then you came and swept me up

And now I’m done, so done

Fallen madly deeply I

Surprised myself enough to find

That what’s begun Is love

And now I’m done, so done

I’m done

Thank you for not letting go

When I said let me go

Thank you for timing

Thank your finding

Thank you for not believing me

Baby when I said...

2009-04-21T00:16:00.010+01:00

I am locked in my crepuscular room.

I am tired of sitting down doing nothing.

I am not a nabob but i have a wealthy heart.

When i hear the sound of clarion it reminds me of the end of the day.

When the end of the day comes to me,

I'll be locked in a dark place.

I'll be busy looking for place to sit and hope for miracles.

I'll be nothing even i have 1 penny more.

So, i better like like what i have.

I miss my violin.. so much.

LOOKING FORWARD! PUSSYCATDOOLLLL!

Doll Domination 2.0.

God, i love Painted Window and Hush Hush.

27 April!

Yes. I called them SONGS.

Real SONGS.

2009-04-20T01:54:00.003+01:00

终究，人还是个个体。

我不需要任何‘什么都好’。

我还是一个人完整的度过了今天。

三千六百五十个日子。

时间真的过的很快。

有些人有些事，说来就来，说走就走。

既来之，则安之。

Fuck the milk.

It makes me diarrhea. So sick whole damn day. Nearly fainted in city centre. Horrible.

But i must drink.

I must.

EVERYDAY.

2009-04-19T01:31:00.002+01:00

I thought.. it's fine. As long as i don't touch the mother topic.

Just right after my shower...

I told myself i'll be fine.

Just a day. Nothing much. What's gone what's gone. The past is passed.

Unfortunately, it just came..

No worries.

I'm not blaming. It's fine.

Just.. hu......... very unlucky.

I'm holding my tears.

I'm strong.

I'll be fine.

I don't need anything.

I don't right?

Yes i don't.

2009-04-19T01:19:00.003+01:00

人可以为了很多事而不开心。

可以因为体重增加。

可以因为不舒服。

很合理。

而我的理由，好像不再像个理由了..

我只不过染上了一些坏习惯。

这代表我不爱我自己吗？

听了亿万次。

在此，我想再说一次。我比任何人更爱我自己。

我比任何人都更明白人是个个体。

献给我一个好友。

我深深地明白这种日子的感受。

你那时在老美，并不好受吧。

我答应，

每逢属于您的这个日子。

我会安静默默地陪伴你。

19号。

我最大。

2009-04-17T20:46:00.002+01:00

你讲！你讲啊！你讲！！有什么事是开心得过你好朋友要来了呢？？你讲啊！你讲！！！很很够够够力的开心！我什么也都不介意了！我能够去任何任何地方！只要能够‘一家’开心！今天的感觉是，我很幸福，因为我有两个家！其实都很温暖的家。无论将来发生什么事，两个家都是最好的避风港。同时，我也希望自己会是这两个家的members最温暖最安全的避风港。我想大声地说！放心，我永远都在陪伴你们。我的家人们。

2009-04-16T23:34:00.003+01:00

There's one thing i'd like to buy as birthday present for my friend but you see.. I Loved it. Huuu.. Why must it so expensive? After hours and hours of considering. Buying two seems to be a good idea.

Here's my idea.

1. I will buy for myself. Having a new toy is not over right?

2. I will buy two when i don't find something i wanna buy for my friend.

3. I will buy for myself and get another present if i find something more suitable as a birthday present for my friend.

4. I will buy it for my friend ONLY.

Isn't it good?

I thought i will work hard ended up using internet for hours.

《华语篇》

有些朋友你不会猜测到他们脑袋瓜但你却会知道他们的那刻的心情。

有些朋友你不需要猜测他们也会让你知道他们的一切。

有些朋友你自然的会知道他们想法与感受。

我身边都有这些朋友但我偏偏就不是以上三种。

我不奇怪，只是这就是我。

其实，我并不难明白，只要你用心，你就会知道。

2009-04-16T15:08:00.003+01:00

经过苦苦的哀求，终于，讨到了那张照片。

好美丽的笑容。

想起你因为我而笑的笑容。

虽然过去了。

但我也想为这曾经活得漂亮。

还有两个月。

也会是漂亮的两个月。

以后的事，

以后再说。

昨天说起往事，

我竟然想念我妈打我的痛。

好想念哦。

还有两天，

10年了。

妈呀。度日如年啊。

放心，我快乐。

2009-04-15T18:42:00.005+01:00

Confusing..

Confusing....

Ever felt like a s.p.?

Invisible when the world doesn't need you anymore.

Be. Transparent.

I want it.

There are many i wanted to do so much.

Trust me.. Many of them.

Many many millions billions of them.

I just couldn't.

Because i am weak.

God..

Devil is challenging me.

Get the fuck off.

对于一些我很重视的。

对于一些很重要的。

一切..

都好像离我很远。

而我，很累赶前去。

一切随缘吧。

反正。

在我心里。

爱是不灭的。

时间会证明。

希望，跟我脑海里的不一样。

我真的真的真的真的真的很害怕。

捉的住的，捉不住了。

让我痛快地痛快地发泄，好吗？

我太会隐藏我的感觉了。

2009-04-14T01:13:00.001+01:00

今天提起亿万次的‘老’。
岁月真的不留人呀。

未来，是抽象，形容词。

since抽象..

应该是看不见的吧？

好像，走到了边缘。

看不见看不见看不见。

2009-04-11T02:23:00.002+01:00

本是同根生这道理不难明白。

但，如果是不同的根呢？

要煎，不过分吧？

家里来了一位客人。

VIP般的待遇。

可遇不可求呀。

虽知我可是个贱人，VIP？难。

2009-04-06T00:57:00.002+01:00

Hello.. been days yea?

Today, i'm going to have a serious talk about twisting words. <-I do not know how to describe it.

Wooo, it's about indirect message to the direct person i guess.

I've realized many many people love/like/always/usually sending indirect message to the one dak zui/hurt them.

It's no good.

I am so worrying about the time thingie.

Am suppose to go London later but no i'm not, what? O, why. Ok, financial problems. LOL.

2009-04-03T02:32:00.002+01:00

看了4集连续剧。

女主角收到蓝玫瑰。

我曾收过蓝玫瑰。

今晚，一如往常。

我想念你。

我好想念你。

有没有想过我?

会不会心疼我?

是否很多话对我说？

我有..我有。

2009-04-02T01:15:00.000+01:00

Beauty..

2009-04-01T02:03:00.002+01:00

It's The Kiss I'm missing tonight.

2009-04-01T01:14:00.002+01:00

生命力可以来自不同的地方。

可以来自一首歌，一把声音，一个人等等。

曾几何时，

某个我曾爱过的人..好有生命力。

这种感觉，我忘了。

我真的忘了。

直到现在，

生命力，

好像不知从哪方回到我身边。

想呀想..终于，我知道是什么让我有这种感觉。

让我好想好想真的好想好好的活下去，

让我好想活得很精彩。

是人。

是一些很重要的人。

2009-03-31T00:13:00.003+01:00

In Bristol,

You don't see,

historical places,

palaces,

memorial parks,

huge churches,

nice cathedrals,

fun shopping areas.

In Bristol,

You'll have any any thing you want.

You'll sleep as many hours as you can.

You'll be able to eat any food.

You can do anything you want.

You'll have the chance to visit Swansea, Cardiff, Reading, Swindon, London, and Oxford.

As.. I promise. You. My Only You.

If you think sleepless night is tiring/suffocating.

If you think working hard is out of your capability.

Ask youself.. a... powerful.. why?

2009-03-29T00:42:00.003Z

I got myself a new toy today.

Basically, i am broke.

It is not time to find solutions completing the courseworks,

But,

How to save money.

My friend came from Manchester today.

We both had lots of fun gossiping.

One of my buddies.

We had a fight when we were 15, never thought that we could be so close until now.

My friend..

Stop beating me when you laugh.

2009-03-28T01:23:00.002Z

As i said.. I do not need reason to cry.

But why is he forcing me every every every single sec?

Why is he breaking my heart every every sec?

Why are you forcing me to hate you?

Fuck you.

I Fuck You.

2009-03-27T23:00:00.004Z

Am having fun playing the morning call game.

The rules:-

1. Must wake up once the fella called

2. Must wake that fella up

3. On time calling

4. Treat it seriously (because must wake up mer)

The results:-

1. Ignore once hung up

2. Ignore after few times of calling because that fella also ignore me

3. Never on time, always an hour late

4. We actually understand the importances of zzzz.

Not having fun but a very motivative 'game'.

The rules:-

1. Set a target everyday - complete the target

2. Promising - Promise to finish the targets for some great reasons

3. Can only zzzz when the targets are met

The results:-

1. I am still not sure about the results

2. But we will somehow make it

2009-03-26T00:26:00.002Z

Gonna make a long post again.

Shall i start with the second biggest issue in life which everyone called it friendship (What a lame introduction)? I was once an extremely complex minded girl around 19 or 18 year-old due to the way i acted or survived. It is not okay to mengcomplicatedkan life matters because you yourself will be the only suffered animal at the end of the day. I admit i had such suffocating experiences these few years ending up very sicked of myself. I am very stubborn in.. No. This is not the way. If things are out of my imagination i hardly accept the consequences if you get what i mean. Of course i know my limitation is always longer/larger/bigger than most of my friends but it just that..No. Maybe i have high expectation. It is time to lower myself o when i work in real life i might as well bend myself down to some bossy idiots. Poor me. Okay i'm a bit behind the friendship topic. So, I guess i have to gain back my faith before i lose my best buddies. Um, there ae reasons causing me losing confidence. Haih, see.. I seriously do not know what to say. I do not know. I do not know.

2009-03-25T14:40:00.003Z

是爱..

让我想等待。

等待一切美好的到来。

发现..

有些我原以为永恒不变的人事物，

变了。

坚定..

是真的如此的坚定吗？

永恒..

有什么是永恒不变的？

一字..

很简单。

一句..

很久。

2009-03-24T19:08:00.003Z

Currently putting my arse on the library chair.

My goal.

Finish one 40 pages coursework tonight.

Wish me luck.

I dreamt of my friend.

Here's the dream.

Three of us were sleeping on the same bed one night.

She had this ghosty nightmare and woke me up.

I hugged her.

Ok. It sounds gay but if you can have sweet moves/actions with your boyfriend or girlfriend why is it that you can't hug your best friends? Or even a kiss?

I always like to kiss this i-dreamt-of-her-having-nightmare best friend.

I sometimes think a hug is always sweeter than words.

You know i'm talking about you.

Because you're the only girl i always kissed.

LMAO

2009-03-23T20:17:00.006Z

Yeee.. Very happy today.
I've received a card before i left to uni.
Calling me "Baby"
Yeee.. Very meaningful.
I loved it.

Coldplay is the best band ever.
Best song of Coldplay
"Fix You"

Must work must work must work!

I am so tired and sleepy.

Eason's album is good.

Waiting for B.E.P and Amuro Namie.

2009-03-22T15:54:00.004Z

What if.
What if there's no one listen to your stories?
What if there's no one telling you your stories shit?
What if there's no one using his her own time for you?
What if there's no one saying i love you?
What if your friends are avoiding you? Even for 2 days?

For me.. Whatever what ifs.
I have faith..
O. there's one what if i like.
What if.. there are people always know your moves and yet you thought we are stupid?
You think its you im talking about?
Maybe i'm not.
God wots.
God bless you.
TOO.

2009-03-21T20:58:00.005Z

害怕死了！看见昨晚喝醉了所post的文。
今天清醒！当下delete！
希望没任何人看见！
不是什么秘密。
只是，一些伤痛。
留给自己就好了。
骂了一堆..
但？
又如何..

经过一番的沉寂，思绪冷静下来了。
我知道我该怎么做了。
闭关。
练功。
成事。
在天。
加油加油。
我不会再被你影响。

Oh.. Eason's album will be out in 2 days!

Waiting.. waiting.....

2009-03-21T02:16:00.001Z

Happy Birthday.

2009-03-20T19:08:00.002Z

There's one matter unbelievable strong! Fully destroyed my working mood!

If i am allowed to do any anything..

You are so dead Let me tell you this.

YOU ARE SO FUCKING DEAD!

ALL OF YOU!

WILL BE FUCKING KILLED!

WHAT THE FUCK!

2009-03-20T11:23:00.004Z

I don't really like to make a long post but my heart urged me to do so today. A long post does not mean I am going to tell you my full life or what i just had for breakfast, it's going to be a simple self-explaination post that requires bit of your time to read if it does not bother you too much. My life is.. contradictious. I actually think everyone's life is unlike mine because i have this visual handicapped disease that makes me hardly see further way and even the next second. Perhaps, i've been trapping in my round round for too long. I know it is time to come out and see the real real reality world. HEY, I completely understand all of the reality shits just that i never liked to be part of it. "Escape" has the strange kiddie magic that similar to drugs (I guess). It automatically calms you downnnn.. gives you the feeling that the problems finally leave you alone. However, it is not the right way to live normally. It will somehow attack the inside of you, weaken and soften you.

Let me make myself clear.

I want to destroy my round round.

2009-03-19T20:12:00.004Z

'Why?'
Time goes by. Life goes by. All i can think about is.. why.
It's really pathetic how i keep trying to hold on to something that's not coming back.
Why?
I wonder who ever asked me about.. star.
Even my first tattoo was a star.
Why?
Because.
The stars always cry the blackest tears at night.

2009-03-19T19:13:00.002Z

Each day i would ask myself a question.
'Why?'
-To Be Continue-

2009-03-18T19:00:00.003Z

《思考篇》
突然好多疑问。
好奇心重的我当然不会放过思考的机会。
我从不是个煽情的人。
我也不是敏感的人。
可是这个人会让我变得煽情变得敏感。
可我一直以来都是个感性的人。
这点啊。我相信这位人士把感性与煽情给混了混吧。
《眼泪篇》
我和牛女士从不需要朋友或家人为我们流泪。
我们泪流得多，不代表我们为谁谁谁哭。
我们爱写爱思考更爱会让我们开心，激动，感动到流泪的事与物。
看来。这跟我们单亲家庭有关吧。
虽说我们俩话很多。
其实，我们都很爱安静的看读美丽的文字。
我们爱听歌爱唱歌，其实更爱歌中的意思。
我们会为漂亮的一篇文或一句话流泪。
好比如，老年学习小提琴。
小提请让我感动。
我喜欢。
《原因篇》
怎么我讲这些呢？一位少流泪的友人啊。在想为什么自己会这样。
我只想说..
其实，我和牛女士从不希望你会流泪。
因为，会流泪是因为不快乐的造成。